It's been almost one year since I didn't come here to update. If I summarize my life for the whole year, there are a lot of things that happened. Everything with the good will be followed by everything with the bad. That's life.
But, it's kinda embarrassing. When I looked up my older posts here, there are many posts that I wrote based on my feeling. Well, even though I am in my twenties but still my mind has not reached twenty yet. So, it feels like I need to bury myself or even throw myself into the ocean when I admit that I'm not mature enough to face the realities that happened in my twenties.
Talking back about what's happened during one year. I don't know honestly how to start the stories. But I'll try.
Back to summer in 2021, that's the last time I had had wrote on this blog and that's about the farewell with one of my friends in the summer. After she has gone back to our country, my life here change a lot. I mean with all of the shit that happened that made me realize that nothing lasts forever in our life. People come and go is a fact that people need to face at a sudden time. Because we can't predict what's gonna happen later, and we exactly don't know who's going to leave, hence what we can do is only prepare for every possibility. It could be our parents, brother or sister, friend or even our lover. That's the thing I really hate about life. Dealing with reality. Anyway, right after that I was prepared for my new semester. Not much actually but I think back then I did really well exceeding my expectation. Whereas in fact, I don't know but some people they were looked at me like I am a crazy person taking 9 classes with 21 credits. That's crazy actually because I still joined some organizations in my country and volunteered at my university as a mentor. If I think back again, I don't even know how I handled all of those. So insane! Other than that, I enjoyed the last few months of 2021. No more overthinking, no more anxiety. It was really different from what I thought. Like I thought that I wouldn't enjoy everything after one of my friends graduated and come back to our country, but it was not. I even joined free traveling through some places twice. Made new friends from other countries, and took a lot of pictures. Also, that was the first time I slept in a hotel with 5 stars for free. It was a memorable moment. Everything was run smoothly until the end of winter break. I got an internship btw on winter break. Also, spent my new year with the only friend that I've known from my country, well, let me say she is my sister. Working during winter break, and it was fun cuz I got a new friend from my workplace. She is so nice, a very nice person, helping me with everything I can't do and so patient with my limited Korean, lol. I mean I barely talk with Korean people so always make mistakes every time I talk in Korean.
The spring semester brought a lot of changes to my life. Everything was changed to offline, face-to-face. And I still remained the same taking 9 classes, and I still working too. So overwhelm actually managing everything. Moving from one building to the other building. Taking classes in both Korean and English. Switching the languages. But I was grateful I met new friends again last semester. They were exchange students but I felt like we had a connection. It was so easy for me to get close to them. Not all, I mean. Just a few of them. Cuz to be honest I don't know why I kinda don't like people the same age as me or even younger than me. Maybe because of a different mindset. I don't know. Anyway, last semester was hard. I need to adapt again to everything. I mean since covid I never had a full of offline classes. Just a few of it, but not all of it. Physically tired, and mentally drained. Also, the things that I thought I'd overcome, it was getting worse. Got anxious, my insomnia got worse, and had a panic attack several times. So worse. The denial phase inside myself. Blaming my parents even though not all of this is their fault, but still, they are one of the factors. But the main factor is me. I knew it. I am aware and still in denial. So funny, isn't it? Well, at least I knew that I need help. Therefore, I attend some sessions since 2020. As you know my immature attitude in my past posts that's the way I vent my negative emotions. With writing. It's a good way actually, to overcome all of the negative thought that has been on our mind. For some of you, if you struggle with mental health, I suggest writing every emotion you've got. Cuz nowadays, I don't know but it seems like everyone has mental health without even they knew about it. Also, some people assume they've got anxiety whereas they're actually not. But anyway, I guess mental health sucks. I mean we live in the universe24 hours each day but seems all of this is not enough. And somehow we need to run more than 24 hours. We need to achieve everything in a short time. Maybe that's the thing that makes mental health become a popular illness. I hope some people who struggle with that are aware that they need someone.
And the last.
This summer. I don't have a plan for exactly what I'm gonna do. But I still remained the same. The environment around me was the only one that changed. I am... still doing my work. Also, finishing my courses that have been postponed since when I don't even remember and looking for a new opportunities in every field.
Hope this summer brings different, new memories that I could write on my little place so I could reminisce later. Also, hope this summer brings something good to all of the people around the world.
xoxo
writer
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