today is my last day as a nineteen years old girl. actually, I don't have many stories in my nineteen days. just like the other girl, maybe. but really during my nineteen years, this age is the most uncertain age for me. why? because I've got a lot of worried also at the same time I've got a lot of new good things. from decided something until how to survive by myself.
I never imagine at first that I can do something like that. because back then I just want to do something that I never have done before, you can call me as a girl with a very very big dream in her mind. but it's true all this time I just follow my instinct or my friend, I never thought long term possibility when decided a plan. I just write down it and cross it when done, also I never care with my uncertain dream, also my not complete bucket list.
but it's become different since I worked. Everyday I always worried about tomorrow. "What will happen if I did this?" , "Is this useful for my future life?", "Is it true?", "What will the others think if I do that?", "What should I do?". those questions always crossed my mind. And until now, I didn't have the exact answer to it.
however, the funniest thing is I always decided it immediately and never think twice. LoL. And you know, I got scolded by my father for that. He even says to me that "you know, you must think twice before deciding something, coz I didn't have enough money if you do something foolish again like that". and my reaction absolutely sad, very sad. coz I know how hard my parents work every day for me. but I can't let my parent's egoism, to use that money for his yeah you know -_-. shit. if I think it again makes me feel angry until now. so my heart confused, but after all, I convinced myself and think that there's nothing vain for knowledge, and that's why I didn't feel sorry.
and back again to my nineteen days. it started in April and I celebrated it in 2x2 room, alone. only me and my gadget. LoL. oh, I almost forgot after several days of my birthday, I confess a big secret to my mother. I don't remember the exact day but I still remember what I said to my mother. I said "I really sorry if I didn't like what she expected, and also I've tried as much I can but I'm not sure if I can pass this test. And sorry from my deep deep heart if I've been troubling all this time". at the time I cried a lot and feel like a fail daughter for her. it was so bad.
but after all, my nineteen days full of various stories and I really enjoy it. Thank GOD who still allows me to live until now, who gives strength, who gives me a good chance, who always by my side, who has this universe. and I hope in my new days everybody will be happy and healthier. Also thank you to my mothers who gave born me, my family who always love me, my friends who always support me.
P.S a very kind teacher ever told me "I don't know what will happen in the future but for sure in this world, something certain is uncertain things, so don't give up!" so for everyone don't give up to your dreams.
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